Best friends Dale Doback and Brennan Huff (played by Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly) didn’t always start off as besties. It started when their single parents decided to get together.
Brennan’s mom Nancy Huff (played by Mary Steenburgen), married Dr. Robert Doback (played by Richard Jenkins), and these two adult children became accidental step-brothers.
That’s the plot of the American comedy film Step Brothers, one of the best comedies of all time.
Here are some of the best Step Brother quotes about everything from drum sets to bunk beds, along with some video clips to tickle your fancy, like Dale tickling his ivories on Brennan’s drum set.
1. “Can we turn our bed into bunkbeds?” “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”
When the guys finally do become best friends (spoiler alert) they decide early on that one of the best things to do is turn their beds into bunk beds. They rush upstairs to ask their parents for permission, and the hilarious scene unfolds.
2. “This house is fucking prison!” “On planet Bullshit!” “in the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!”
The guys do not love it when their TV is taken away for a week. However, they kinda deserve the punishment since they nearly destroyed the house and their parent’s reputations by fighting with each other on the front lawn. Blind to their parent’s point of view, naturally, their response is to freak out and lash out.
3. “Okay, here’s the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f one, marry one, kill one, go!”
The guys think they are mighty clever when they turn their job interviews around and start interviewing the interviewee. This is one of their first questions; needless to say, it does not go well for them.
4. “I’m going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the shit out of you.”
The guys hate each other, especially after their TV is taken away. So, they try to one-up each other by whispering threats and insults before they go to sleep.
5. “Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?…If you lick my butthole.”
When Dale meets Brennan’s successful older brother Derek, played by Adam Scott, for the first time, he’s intimidated at first, just like Brennan.
However, when Dale stands up to Derek, Brennan truly becomes Dale’s friend. Nothing unites two rivals like a common enemy, after all.
6. “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me… “Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,” and she grabs me by the wiener.”
Dale will do or say anything to get his dad and Nancy to break up after they first move in. In this scene, he tries to convince his dad that Nancy may come onto him, which would ruin their marriage.
7. “I’ve got a belly full of white dog crap in me and now you lay this shit on me?!”
The guys just had a rough day with the kids. They force them to eat white dog crap, and then the parents decide the boys have to go to therapy, and they are selling the house. Naturally, this enrages Brennan.
8. “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three…” “Velociraptor!”
Once they learn to stop fighting each other, the guys realize they have an instant connection. They are the same person.
So naturally, when they begin to see themselves not as foes, it becomes crystal clear just how similar they are.
9. “It’s like masturbating in a time machine!”
The guys are united against Derek but haven’t fully become best friends yet. They want to escape the house where their parents are being lame and hide out in the treehouse. This is when Dale discovers Brennan’s good collection of nudie magazines.
10. “But one time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.”
This quote is from when Brennan and Dale meet for the first time and try to intimidate each other at the dinner table. Dale says this to Brennan to try to psyche him out.
11. “How good?” “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation by people who’ve heard me.”
Brennan’s peacocking retort to Dale’s ability to strangle a giraffe with his bare hands is to call himself the songbird of his generation. It’s a pretty bold claim, but a hilarious delivery from Will Ferrell.
12. “I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.” “The clown has no penis.” “What kind of dreams are you guys having?”
This quote happens when Nancy enters the room and the guys wake up and quote the last line of the dreams they just had.
13. “I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.” “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.” “It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin’ that shit up every day.”
Brennan is not impressed with Dr. Robert Doback’s credentials when his mom tells him where he went to school. So he tries to downplay the John Hopkins school as someone he smoked weed with in grade school. Nice try, Brennan.
14. “I’m going upstairs… ’cause I’m gonna put my nutsack on your drumset! Okay?”
When the boys feud at the beginning of the film, it coalesces around Dale’s drumset.
As Dale said, his only rule of the house is that Brennan never touch his drum set. Brennan gets so mad at Dale that he cannot stand it, so he naturally threatens to put his nuts on Dale’s drum set.
15. “One day my dad said, ‘Bobby, you are 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘Okay, pop.’ But he didn’t really say that, he said ‘Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.”
Dr. Robert Doback can relate to Dale and Brennan’s lack of wanting to grow up. He has always wanted to be a dinosaur, as he explains in a beautiful monologue.
16. “You’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f***”
This is far from the full quote. This is the moment that Brennan loses his shit and yells at the top of his lungs at Dr. Robert Doback. Here’s the full quote:
Brennan: “You’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck! Two things: you keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000, or I’m going to shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!”
17. “Dad, what are you doing? It’s Shark Week.”
This is the moment Dale’s dad ends their TV-watching habits. They are obviously not happy about it.
18. “Is that onion? Onion and… Onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room… Okay. Now the tuxedos seem kind of fucked up.”
When the guys are interviewing for jobs, they almost get the gig at a Sporting Goods store until Dale lets out a very prolonged fart.
19. “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.”
Brennan says this to Dale after Brennan helps stand up to Derek. This is the moment where Brennan and Dale truly see each other as allies. As Dale responds:
Dale Doback: “I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that’s what you mean.”
20. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. Brennan, I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus… This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”
Dale says this to Brennan when he sings for the first time. While Brennan is shy about singing in public, Dale is overwhelmed and loves it when Brennan finally shows him his talent.
I must say, I was pretty overwhelmed hearing Brennan sing as well.
21. “Boats N Hoes”
This is the scene where the boys show their Prestige Worldwide music video to the parents and a group of investors to try to get them to invest.
It naturally goes down horribly since they happened to wreck Robert’s boat in the process.
21. “I wanna roll you up in a little ball and shove you up my vagina… You could just live there, it’s warm and it’s cozy… Oh, I’d just walk around with you in there and just knowing, whenever I feel a little tickle or scratch it’s your hair on my vagina!”
Derek’s wife Alice (played by Kathryn Hahn) is obsessed with Dale throughout the film, and she says this to him when she finally confronts him outside the house and makes a move on him.
22. “Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. that’s we do, and now that is all wrecked.”
Dale also says this to his dad to convince him not to marry Nancy. Needless to say, it doesn’t work.
22. “Brennan, I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.” “God, you’re gonna make me cry. What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?”
Brennan is overwhelmed when his therapist Denise comes to the Catalina wine mixer to see him perform – well, really she shows up because he threatened to kill himself, but what’s the difference really?
She was impressed with him, and her speech brought him to tears. See the scene above!
23. “That’s so funny; the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”
Dale says this when combating Brenna’s “I remember my first beer” joke at the dinner table.
24. “Last week we put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.”
The guys share this as part of the “research and development” segment of their Prestige Worldwide presentation.
Needless to say, it is a strange anecdote that doesn’t help their presentation.
25. “It’s the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer!”
Nothing has been built up more in movie history than the Catalina Wine Mixer, mostly because every character who talks about it always references it by its full name.
So When Dale and Brennan save the Catalina Wine Mixer from disaster, everyone is overwhelmed and overjoyed… because it’s the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
26. “You’ve actually seen him eating a man’s penis?” “It was in international waters, so they couldn’t prosecute him. But I saw it.”
Derek tries to intimidate Brennan at work through the use of his coworker who allegedly has eaten another man’s penis. Watch the clip. Pa Pow!
27. “Look, I’m not good at this hallmark stuff, but, when I look at you now, I don’t wanna kick you in the head quite as much.”
Derek has problems admitting his feelings, but after Dale and Brennan save the Cataline wine mixer with their epic song, he does have this nice thing to say.
Derek and his family are introduced in the best way. Here’s the exact moment we meet them for the first time.
Wrapping Up!
And that’s it! Those are the best quotes from the comedy film Step Brothers!
What do you think are the best step brothers quotes from the Step Brothers film? Let us know in the comment section below.
Enjoy 🙂