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The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling is one of the most beloved film and book series of all time, mostly because it is full of lovable characters that play off one another with cheeky banter and quirky characteristics.
Despite its dark storyline about love conquering death (and with plenty of deaths along the way), the films find a way to surprise and delight, especially as their words are brought to life by wonderfully cast and top-tier actors.
While the overarching mysteries that drive the plot are riveting, the fun and whimsy of these magical characters keep everyone coming back to revisit these films year in and year out.
Here are the 20 best Harry Potter quotes that’ll even have the Weasleys buckle over laughing.
1. “She needs to sort out her priorities.”
Said by: Ron Weasley in the Sorcerer’s Stone (aka the Philosopher’s Stone)
After the golden trio discovers Rubeus Hagrid’s pet Fluffy is the guardian of the Sorcerer’s Stone through a quick run-in with the three-headed beast, Hermione decides she’d better go to bed before they come up with another brilliant plan to get them killed… or worse, expelled!
To which Ron replies, “She needs to sort out her priorities.” It’s one of the best quotes in the Harry Potter series ever.
Also, check out our other article on the top Harry Potter Love Quotes [From The Movies] here.
2. “I shouldn’t have said that. I should not have said that”
Said by: Hagrid in the Philosopher’s Stone
When the trio is trying to learn more about Fluffy, the three-headed dog, they decide to go to Hagrid for help.
Being the honest and good-hearted giant, Hagrid accidentally spilled the beans on Fluffy’s backstory and immediately caught himself.
Of course, he gets deadly serious and tries to tell the kids not to meddle anymore… and then, not even a minute later, catches himself revealing more information! Classic Hagrid and one of his best lines…
3. “How’d it go?”
Said by: Molly and Arthur Weasley in The Chamber of Secrets
After Ron springs Harry from the Dursleys and brings him home to the Weasley’s in his dad’s enchanted car, Molly Weasley says this to try to inform him of his son’s transgressions.
Mrs. Weasley: “Your sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.”
Mr. Weasley: “Did you really? How’d it go?”
Obviously, Arthur doesn’t get the hint and is more impressed than anything. It’s genius acting by both of these talented actors.
4. “It’s an odd sort of place, isn’t it? …Do you live here?”
Said by: Gilderoy Lockhart in Chamber of Secrets
When Harry and Ron catch the lying teacher Gilderoy Lockhart about to flee the school, they force him to help them stop the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets.
But when he takes advantage of everyone’s fall down the tunnel and steals Ron’s wand, his plan backfires (because Ron’s wand backfires), and he ends up “obliviating” his own memories.
5. “Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother?”
Said by: Fred Weasley in The Sorcerer’s Stone
So we know Fred and George would have a laugh at this one since they said it!
When Molly Weasley tries to direct her sons to go through the hidden doorway on Platform 9 and 3/4, they give her a hard time over who’s who:
George: “He’s not Fred. I am.”
Fred: “Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother?”
And get this… Mrs. Weasley did get it right in the first place! Even at their youngest, these two were a handful.
6. “Boom! ….I’ve always wanted to use that spell.”
Said by: Professor McGonagall in Deathly Hallows Part 2
When Neville is stunned that Professor McGonagall wants him to blow the bridge from Hogwarts to the dark forest, he takes extra care to ensure she knows what he’s asking her.
Played with magnificent glee by Maggie Smith, she can’t help but take great fun in confirming his concerns.
Neville Longbottom: “Are you actually giving us permission to do this?”
McGonagall: “Yes, Longbottom.”
Neville: “Blow it up? Boom?”
Minerva McGonagall: “BOOM!”
Neville: “Wicked! …But how on Earth are we going to do that?”
Minerva McGonagall: “Why don’t you confer with Mr. Finnigan? As I recall, he has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics.”
This last line is genius because, as fans of the series know, Seamus Finnigan is always blowing himself up with some magic spell or another throughout the series.
Keeping the fun going, McGonagall goes ahead with the defenses and uses an epic spell to defend the castle.
7. “That felt good!”
Said by: Hermione Granger in Prisoner of Azkaban
When Hermione, Ron, and Harry come across Draco Malfoy on their way to try to stop the execution of the Hippogriff Buckbeak, Malfoy shows up to gloat in their face.
He was the one who called his daddy Lucius to get Buckbeak killed, after all.
Hermione can’t handle it and almost curses him – but decides on a better punishment for him instead.
Here’s the full quote:
Hermione [punches Draco on in the face] : “That felt good!”
Ron: “Not good. Brilliant!”
Check out the Best Harry Potter Inspirational Quotes here.
8. “Ya, you and whose army?”
Said by: Neville Longbottom in Deathly Hallows Part 2
When Lord Voldemort’s army, commanded by the Death Eaters, comes to the bridge of Hogwarts to try to cross, some of them get vaporized by the shields protecting it.
Neville gets a little too stoked to see them fail, and it, of course, comes back to bite him in the butt when the shields fall down.
9. “You might not like him, Minister, but you can’t deny… Dumbledore’s got style.”
Said by: Kingsley Shacklebolt in Order of the Phoenix
When the Minister of Magic comes to Hogwarts to confront Albus Dumbledore about his “secret army” (that Harry created) and take him away for subordination, professor Dumbledore makes his great escape, stunning everyone in the room.
After a moment to catch their breath, Kingsley says what everyone’s thinking. It’s cheesy but hilarious.
10. “All she wants to do is snog me… my lips are getting chapped, look!”
Said by: Ron Weasley in The Half Blood Prince
After Ron becomes the Quidditch hero of Gryffindor’s house, he ends up dating the “ultra-attentive” Lavender Brown.
When he and Harry are trying to have a serious conversation on the train, she shows up and blows some air on the cabin window to draw a heart.
It’s a painfully drawn-out process… which, of course, makes it hilarious, and after which Ron says this line to Harry.
Bonus: Ron and Harry make eye contact and then immediately go for the same book.”
Performed by: Ron and Harry in The Half Blood Prince
Okay, so this one isn’t a quote per se, but it’s one of the funniest moments from one of the funniest movies in the series.
Ron and Harry are late to Potions class, and there’s only one good book left. They both immediately make eye contact and then immediately go for it.
Ron ends up the victor, but little does he know, the old book might be the better of the two.
11. “There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class!”
Professor Severus Snape seems pissed and already tired of teaching a bunch of first year students when the kids first encounter him as their potion-making teacher.
Making magical potions isn’t viewed as sexy by the students as waving a wand around and creating lightning or making things levitate.
Obviously, Snape knows this and thus commands the respect of the whole class from the moment he enters the classroom.
And Snape gets annoyed when he mistakes Harry’s notetaking as not paying attention.
Snape thinks that Harry is not paying attention in class because of Harry’s famous parents and possession of abilities.
Here’s the full quote:
Snape: There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don’t expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few…
[Snape stares at Draco Malfoy who loves the attention]
…who possess, the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.
[Snape notices Harry writing in his book]
Snape: Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention!
[Hermione elbows Harry. Snape steps over to Harry]
Snape: Mister Potter. Our new celebrity!
12. “Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon….”
Said by: Hermione in Order of the Phoenix
Harry is very confused by Cho Chang’s on-again, off-again interest in him after their first kiss became kind of strange, so Hermione tries to break it down for him and does so quite eloquently.
Ron: “Well? How was it?”
Harry: “Wet. I mean, she was sort of crying.”
Ron: “That bad at it, are you?”
Hermione: “I’m sure Harry’s kissing was more than satisfactory. Cho spends half her time crying these days.”
Ron: “You’d think a bit of snogging would cheer her up.”
Hermione: “Don’t you understand how she must be feeling? Well, obviously she’s feeling sad about Cedric, and therefore confused about liking Harry, guilty about kissing him, conflicted because Umbridge is pressing to sack her mum from the Ministry, and frightened about failing her OWLs because she’s so busy worrying about everything else.”
Ron: “One person couldn’t feel all that. They’d explode!”
Bonus: Ron’s quidditch tryouts
The whole Ron becomes a quidditch champion arc is brilliant, and this scene is one of the funniest in the series.
It’s also the origin story of Ron and Lavender’s love, so check out the clip here to see how Ron first got the “Quidditch keeper” gig to begin with.
13. “Seriously misunderstood creatures, spiders are. It’s the eyes, I reckon; they unnerve some folk.”
Said by: Harry Potter in The Half Blood Prince
When Harry and Professor Slughorn go to visit Hagrid’s hut, they find Hagrid’s old friend, Aragog, dead by the side of a grave.
Hagrid is about to have a funeral for Harry’s former nemesis, but Slughorn thinks Hagrid’s killed it without knowing the context.
Hagrid isn’t offended; after all, he knows he’s alone in his love for his old friend.
Harry tries to chime in… but because Harry’s had a bit of liquid luck, he’s a little “on one” and takes the moment hilariously too far… and then they proceed to have a spider funeral!
Hagrid: “Seriously misunderstood creatures, spiders are. It’s the eyes, I reckon; they unnerve some folk.”
Harry: “Not to mention the pincers.”
14. “Well, Hermione, you’re a girl.”
Said by: Ron in Goblet of Fire
Ron and Harry start to feel the pressure of the Yule ball after they find out even Neville Longbottom has a date to the dance.
Unfortunately for Ron and Harry, they’re in the middle of an exam when they make this discovery, so Professor Snape is constantly hovering above them.
Ron then turns to Hermione in his blunt attempt to ask her to the dance. And Hermione, of course, responds with one more of her sassy comebacks:
Ron: “Well, Hermione, you’re a girl.”
Hermione: “Well Spotted!”
Snape looms above, and right as Ron makes his “big romantic gesture,” he gets bonked by Snape – again! The whole scene is brilliant.
Bonus: Yule ball dance lessons
One of the funniest scenes from Goblet of Fire is the dance lessons that everyone has to take and where McGonagall singles out Ron to be her dance partner.
This, of course, gives the Weasley twins quite a laugh.
15. “For those of you who haven’t taken Polyjuice potion before, fair warning: it tastes like goblin piss.”
Said by: Fred Weasley in Deathly Hallows Part 1
When the Order of the Phoenix decides to help Harry escape to the Weasley’s for a safe haven, they all agree to take a Polyjuice potion, which will turn them into Harry’s doppelganger.
Mad-Eye Moody, a no-nonsense Auror, decides to warn everyone that it will taste quite bad and uses an unfortunate simile.
Fred obviously can’t help but “take the piss” at Mad-Eye’s expense, if for nothing else to only “diffuse the tension,” as he says,
Mad-Eye Moody: For those of you who haven’t taken Polyjuice potion before, fair warning: it tastes like goblin piss.
Fred: “Have lots of experience with that, do ya, Mad-Eye?
Bonus: Fred and George Weasley at their best
Since Fred and George steal nearly every scene, they are in, this list wouldn’t be complete without all their best one-liners.
However, because it would also be 100 bullets long if we tried to include everything, Check out the 5-minute supercut of all their best moments throughout the film franchise.
Said by: Severus Snape in Order of the Phoenix
Not well-known for his one-liners, it’s rare that Potions Professor Severus Snape gets to crack-wise.
But somehow, he finds his opportunity when someone loathed worse than he takes over the school – Professor Umbridge.
As the Minister’s mole, she is put in charge of making sure Hogwarts is compliant with the Ministry’s every whim, and so when she questions Snape about his position in the school, he isn’t amused in the slightest – which is where this great comedic beat comes into play.
If Snape can make Ron laugh, then you know he’s said something funny.
Of course, Snape doesn’t think it’s as funny as Ron does.
17. “It’s no joke! I’m in love with her!” “All right, fine, you’re in love with her, but have you ever actually met her?”
Said by: Ron and Harry in Half-Blood Prince
When Ron is accidentally snuck a love potion intended for Harry, he becomes madly and obsessively “in love” with a fellow classmate named Romilda Vane.
This is, of course, because she intended for Harry to eat the chocolates with the love potion inside and then see a picture of her. Since Ron has never actually met Romilda, Harry had to ask the obvious.
Only then does he realize that Ron might be “out of his depth” here.
Said by: George Weasley in Deathly Hallows Part 1
When Harry and Ginny have an intimate moment alone to show their love for each other, it’s interrupted by none other than George Weasley, who can’t help but play the moment for a laugh and intimidate Harry in his big brother role.
Obviously, George is more joking than not, but Harry is quite intimidated after the painfully awkward and drawn-out moment.
19.”What is this I’m eating, by the way?” “Dragon balls.”
Said by: Harry and Connor McLaggen in Half Blood Prince.
While Ron and Lavender Brown hit off after Ron’s Quidditch win, Hermione has to fend off the advances of Connor McLaggen, who is part of Slughorn’s “Slug Club.”
While Hermione entertains it for a little while to make Ron jealous, Connor is relentless, so she needs to use Harry’s help to get away from him at Slughorn’s Christmas party, which is where this brilliant scene comes into play.
20. “Why is it when something happens, it’s always you three?”
Said by: Professor McGonagall in The Half Blood Prince
After Katie Bell is cursed by the evil necklace in The Half Blood Prince, Professor McGonagall questions the golden trio with this ironic, self-aware line about Harry, Ron, and Hermoine always being at the center of all the dramatic happenings at the school.
Obviously, this is a call out to the narrative necessity of the heroes to be in the center of the genre. Ron’s reply is genius:
Ron Weasley: “Believe me professor, I’ve been asking myself the same question for six years.”
Bonus: Every funny moment in the series
While this super-cut isn’t every funny moment from the wizarding world of Hogwarts, it includes plenty more than we covered here today.
So it’s worth a watch if you can’t get enough funny Harry Potter quotes and moments in the franchise.
Grant Harvey is a freelance writer, screenwriter, and filmmaker based out of Los Angeles. When he’s not working on his own feature-length screenplays and television pilots, Grant uses his passion and experience in film and videography to help others learn the tools, strategies, and equipment needed to create high-quality videos as a filmmaker of any skill level.