Funny Donkey Quotes: Waffles & Onions With Layers in Shrek


First released in 2001 by Dreamworks, Shrek (Mike Myers) has become a cultural classic.

It’s one of my favorite animated movies, and I don’t know how many times I’ve watched it.

With beautiful animation, lovable characters, and a story that keeps you engaged all through, the Shrek films are never dull.

One of the best characters that come from Shrek is the sassy yet loyal Donkey (Eddie Murphy).

The constant companion of Shrek, husband of a mighty dragon, and a force to be reckoned with, this valiant steed has some of the funniest quotes throughout the films. 

Here are the best Donkey Quotes from Shrek. 

1. “I like that boulder. That’s a nice boulder.”

After Donkey escapes from Lord Farquaad’s guards, thanks to Shrek, he follows Shrek back to his home. 

As he keeps prattling about random things, he starts to run out of things to say, which is surprising given that Donkey always seems to have something to say.

Shrek tries to scare him off, but Donkey isn’t easy to scare.

As they near Shreks home, Donkey again speaks before he thinks and accidentally insults Shrek with comments about his home, so he tries to make it up to him again.

Here’s the hilarious exchange in full:

Donkey: “Whoo! Look at that. Who’d want to live in a place link that?

Shrek: “That would be my home!”

Donkey: “Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know, you are quite a decorator. It’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That’s a nice boulder.”

2. “I’m the stair master”

Donkey and Shrek have entered the dragon’s lair, where princess Fiona is held prisoner in the tallest tower.

Donkey is afraid, so he rambles on as he always do:

Donkey [whispering]: “You afraid?”

Shrek [calm]: “No, but… shh…”

Donkey: “Oh, good. Me neither. [gasps] ‘Cause there’s nothin’ wrong with bein’ afraid. Fear’s a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn’t mean you’re a coward if you’re a little scared you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain’t no coward. I know that.”

[Donkey stumbles into an old armor and make a lot of noise]

Shrek: “Donkey, two things, okay? Shut… up! Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.”

Donkey: “Stairs? I thought we was lookin’ for the princess.”

Shrek: “The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.”

Donkey: “What makes you think she’ll be there?”

Shrek: “I read it in a book once.”

Donkey: “Cool. You handle the dragon. I’ll handle the stairs. Oh, I’ll find those stairs. I’ll whip their butt too! That’s right! Those stairs won’t know which way they’re goin’. I’m gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the kerb. Don’t mess with me! I’m the stair master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I’d step all over it.”

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3. “This is gonna be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles.”

Wearing Shrek down on the way back to Shrek’s home in the swamp, Donkey manages to get Shrek to agree to let him stay. 

Running into the little hut, Donkey jumps onto a chair, saying, “This is going to be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles.”

Unfortunately, Shrek is not amused and tells him to get out, and Donkey grumbles on the way out, even after Shrek slams the door in his face. 

All he wanted was to hang out with Shrek after nearly being sold off to Lord Farquaad, but it was not to be. 

4. “Before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitching.”

Donkey is a simple soul who just wants to have a more peaceful life but is dragged all around the world to rescue a princess. 

As more and more secrets are piled onto him, and he becomes more stressed, we get the quote, “Before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitching.”

Even fictional characters like the lovable Donkey have mental health needs, which is a reminder that therapy is a great tool for dealing with serious problems.

5. “Like, I hate it when you got someone in your face, you try to give them a hint, and they won’t leave, and then there’s that big awkward silence, you know…”

Here the exchange it is in full:

Donkey [watching all the warning signs near Shreks house]: “I guess you don’t entertain much, do you?”

Shrek: “I like my privacy!”

Donkey: “You know, I do too. That’s another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got someone in your face, you try to give them a hint, and they won’t leave, and then there’s that big awkward silence, you know… [big awkward silence]… can I stay with you?”

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6. “Oh, what large teeth you have!”

Who can ever forget one of the strangest yet cutest couples to ever come from Dreamworks that is Donkey and Dragon?

As Shrek and Donkey try to rescue Princess Fiona in the first Shrek movie, Dragon corners Donkey on a small rock ledge with nowhere to run. 

Looking down the maw of a ferocious beast, Donkey does the only thing he knows when he is terrified, talk. And he soon finds that he is very successful in sweet-talking the girl dragon.

Here’s Donkeys sweet talk in full (remember it till the next time you’re in a bar):

Donkey: “Oh, what large teeth you have.”

[The dragon growls]

Donkey: “I mean, white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, or something, ’cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. And do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You’re… you’re a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course, you’re a girl dragon. ‘Cause, you’re just reeking of feminine beauty. Uh, what’s the matter with you? You got something in your eye?”

[The dragon blows a smoke heart]

Donkey: “Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I’d really love to stay, but, you know, I’m, uh… [coughs] I’m an asthmatic, you know, and I don’t know if it’d work out, if you’re be blowing smoke rings and stuff. Shrek!”

[The dragon grabs Donkey by the tail and lifts him into its lair. Meanwhile, Shrek and Fiona begin their escape.]

Donkey [wrapped in the Dragon’s tail]: “Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it’s healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned, you know. I don’t want to rush into a physical relationship. I’m not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this, uh… magnitude… really is the word I’m looking for… magnitude… “

[The dragon gently strokes Donkey’s ear]

Donkey: “Hey! That’s unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let’s just ack up a little and take this one step at a time. I mean, we really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe even as pen pals. ‘Cause I’m on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards.. Hey, you know I’d really love to stay, but…”

[The Dragon gently kisses Donkey’s tail]

Donkey: “Hey, hey! Don’t do that! That’s my tail! That’s my personal tail! Oh, you’re gonna tear it off. I don’t give permission… hey… what are you gonna do with that? Hey, no no, oh, no…”

[The dragon leans forward to kiss Donkey].

This teeth part of the quote references this dialogue from the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale, just before Red Riding Hood gets eaten by the big bad wolf: “Grandmother dear, what big teeth you have!” “The better to eat you with!”

7. “You don’t entertain much, do you?”

Another great moment from the beginning of Shrek 1, when Donkey first arrives at Shrek’s home, he notices all the “Stay Out!” and “You will die” themed signs. 

Even though Donkey can be quite oblivious to many different things he encounters, he acknowledges that Shrek does not like visitors. 

But not two seconds after saying, “You don’t entertain much, do you?” he is right back at it, begging Shrek to let him stay. 

Some things just always stay the same. 

8. “No, I’m just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge, over a boiling lake of lava!”

Arriving at the castle where the dragon is holding Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz), the intrepid adventurers Shrek, and Donkey are welcomed with a rickety bridge over lava. 

While Shrek seems unperturbed by the lava boiling beneath the bridge, Donkey is much more stressed about it. 

Walking up to the bridge, Shrek asks Donkey is afraid of heights, to which he responds, “No, I’m just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!” 

Pretty sure most people would be scared of walking across that old bridge with hot molten lava directly beneath their feet.

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9. “Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that.”

Brimstone, sulfur, and farts must all smell the same to Donkey because when they begin the climb to the dragon’s tower, his nose is assaulted by a horrific smell which he believes to be from Shrek. 

Instantly blaming Shrek, “Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that.” he is unwilling to believe it is the smell of brimstone. 

Whether or not Shrek let one loose remain for our interpretation, and while it was probably just brimstone, it is still funny.

10. “Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.”

In yet another one of Shrek and Donkey’s arguments, we get a few lines that should be sad but wind up just being funny. 

Shrek says that Donkey has no friends because he is annoying, and Donkey, the lovable oblivious furry being that he is, takes it the wrong way. 

Instead of being upset by Shrek, he responds, “Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.”

This is yet another perfect example of how Donkey possibly has the thickest skin of anyone in the Shrek films. 

11. “And then I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases eking outta my butt that day.”

This funny Donkey quote from the first Shrek movie is from when Donkey follows Shrek home for the first time.

Shrek gets annoyed with Donkey’s constant ramblings and tries to scare him off. But Donkey isn’t scared by Shrek.

Here’s the hilarious exchange in full:

Donkey: “Man it’s good to be free!”

Shrek: “Now, why don’t you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?”

Donkey: “But, uh, I don’t have any friends. And I’m not goin’ out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I’ll stick with you. You’re a mean, green fightin’ machine. Together we’ll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.”

[Shrek roars and tries to scare Donkey]

Donkey: “Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don’t mind me sayin’, if that don’t work, your breath certain will get the job done, ’cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, ‘ cause your breath stinks! Man! you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time…”

[Shrek puts his hand over Donkey’s mouth, but Donkey keeps talking in a muffled voice, so Shrek removes his hand again]

Donkey: “… and then I ate some rotten berries. Man, I had some strong gases eking out of my butt that day.”

So if you’ve ever wondered what an Ogre’s breath smells like, now you know that it smells just like the strong gases seepin’ outta Donkeys butt after it has eaten rotten berries. Important knowledge!

12. “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.”

When Donkey’s owner, an older woman, attempts to sell him to Farquaad’s soldiers, he refuses to speak, leading the guards to arrest his owner. 

Right at that moment, a glass of fairy dust lands on Donkey, granting him the ability to fly, giving us the beautiful quote, “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.” 

All that confidence is for naught, though, as the magical dust stops working seconds after, leading to the guards chasing him straight into Shrek. 

13. “You’re not that ugly. Well I am not gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.”

The princess has been rescued, and everything seems right for Shrek and Donkey, but something throws off their plans. 

Princess Fiona has a hidden secret, which is when night rolls around; she becomes an ogre, which happens every night. 

Cursed by a witch when she was young, she must find true love’s kiss to break the curse, and she thinks that means she must marry Lord Farquaad (John Lithgow). 

In an odd and sweet interaction, Donkey tells Fiona, “You’re not that ugly. Well, I am not gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.”

While probably not the best way Donkey could have handled Fiona having a crisis over how she appears, it manages to work.

Too bad Shrek had to get thrown under the bus for that one, but that’s what friends are for, right? 

14. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?”

As Lord Farquaad and Fiona are getting married, Shrek attempts to rescue Fiona from the evil Farquaad but is captured by the guards. 

Farquaad starts going on about how he will have perfection and order, during which Shrek lets out a loud whistle. 

Waiting for that whistle, Dragon and Donkey bust through the large glass windows of the church right behind Farquaad. 

Dragon eats Lord Farquaad, lets out a loud burp, and spits out the pointy crown that Farquaad thought he was worthy of. 

With Farquaad eaten, Donkey could not resist dropping this great one-liner. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” 

15. “Don’t die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!”

Donkey can’t help but be constantly stressed and anxious about things, including when Shrek gets an arrow to the butt from on of Monsieur Hood’s (Vincent Cassel) merry men. 

They had just rescued Princess Fiona and returned safely to the forest when Fiona noticed that Shrek had an arrow in his butt.

Instantly panicking, Donkey starts running around, so Fiona sends him off to find a certain blue flower that does not exist. 

Before leaving, though, Donkey tells Shrek, “Don’t die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!”

Shrek and Donkey may always fight, but Donkey will always care for Shrek during the good times and the bad. 

16. “Because that’s what friends do. They forgive each other!”

Even though Princess Fiona has been rescued and Shrek and Donkey have returned to the swamp, you would think everything would be great now. 

Unfortunately, that is not the case as the two of them argue, in which Shrek asks Donkey if he had treated him so badly, then why did Donkey return?

“Because that’s what friends do. They forgive each other!”

This moment reminds us that Shrek is ultimately a tale of friendship and that even when we may hurt the ones we love, best friends forgive one another. 

This makes it one of the best quotes from Donkey.

Also, because it’s in this scene that Donkey really steps up and get Shrek to realise he has to stop feeling sorry for himself and protecting himself, if he wants Fiona: “Ohh, you’re so wrapped up in layers Onion Boy, you’re afraid of your own feelings!”

17.“All right, nobody move. I’ve got a dragon here and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Right after Dragon eats Lord Farquaad, Donkey, who is riding on her back, comes up to stand on her head and overlook the terrified citizens and guards. 

As the new savior of Shrek and Fiona, Donkey tells everyone, “All right, nobody move. I’ve got a dragon here, and I’m not afraid to use it.” 

Dragon and Donkey have already bonded, making for a great power couple capable of saving their friends.

18. “Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn’t it?”

While sleeping under the stars together, Donkey tries to understand Shrek and why he’s being so hostile.

So he keeps poking at Shrek, before he understands that Shrek doesn’t only physically shut others out, he also does it emotionally.

The quote refers to an earlier famous line where Shrek tells Donkey that Ogres are like onions because they have layers.

Here’s the exchange in full:

Donkey: “You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.”

Shrek [sarcastic]: “No, do ya think?”

Donkey: “Are you hidin’ something?”

Shrek: “Never mind, Donkey.”

Donkey: “Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn’t it?”

19. “You gotta try a little tenderness”

Princess Fiona is just about to get married to Lord Farquaad, so Shrek rushes to stop the wedding. But Donkey stops Shrek so he can do it the right way.

Thus, Donkey quotes the famous song “A Little Tenderness” by Otis Redding.

Here’s the exchange in full:

Donkey: “You wanna do this right, don’t you?”

Shrek: “What are you talking about?”

Donkey: “There’s a line! There’s a line you gotta wait for. The preacher’s gonna say, ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace.’ And THAT’s when you say, ‘I object!'”

Shrek: “Oh, I don’t have time for this!”

[Shrek moves past Donkey to enter the church]

Donkey: “Hey, wait, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don’t you?”

Shrek: “Yes.”

Donkey: “You wanna hold her?”

Shrek: “Yes.”

Donkey: “Please her?”

Shrek: “Yes.”

Donkey [singing]: “Then you got to got to try a little tenderness … the chicks love that romantic crap!”


  • Jan Sørup

    Jan Sørup is a indie filmmaker, videographer and photographer from Denmark. He owns and the Danish company Apertura, which produces video content for big companies in Denmark and Scandinavia. Jan has a background in music, has drawn webcomics, and is a former lecturer at the University of Copenhagen.

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